On prerequisites

I can't fall in love with someone until I know they're good at boning. It's a relationship, not an apprenticeship.

On bodily gases

I find it very disconcerting when they smell like KFC. I'm like "hey, weren't you meant to go through some kind of process?"

On the subject of attraction

Yeah, that's the thing with people from {NAME OF CITY}, they date ugly people so they seem like they're deep.